It was the morning after St. Patrick’s Day, March 18th, seven years ago. My friend was together with several of her friends when her husband unexpectedly walked into the room. He had come to tell her that their only son at 23 was dead. Killed on St. Patrick’s night and identified the next morning. He had been walking his dog in his own neighborhood when a drunk driver went up on the sidewalk, hit him and killed him.
It was a life changing moment, for his mother, his father, his sister, his friends and all those who loved him. It is seven years later and the pain returns during the week of St. Patrick’s Day. He was the world to those that loved him. He was not the only son in the world, but he was the world to those that loved him.
The death of this young man was a tragedy and heart breaking loss to his mother. During her grief, it came to the attention of her friends that there were 10 women in her circle of friends that had lost adult children to accidents, drunk drivers, suicide or illness. This was the beginning of a support group for this group of women.
We found that everyone grieves differently. There is grief that includes wailing and tears that are so deep and painful that one’s knees buckle and it is hard to catch one’s breath. Some quietly sob in private and hold it together in public. Some are angry and others wait for time to deaden some of the pain.
Yet all grief matters, all grief hurts and all grief is important. Normal grief includes acknowledging what has happened, being honest with emotion and walking through all the stages. Some grief is more complicated when it includes a tragic sudden event and situation where there is not time to say goodbye or get answers.
Some grief is unresolved. Questions are unanswered and maybe there is no support for normal grieving and it must be handled alone. Maybe its historical grief and has never been expressed.
Then there are the grief situations that many do not take seriously enough.This might be the loss of a pet, a miscarriage, feelings related to sexism ,racism or homophobia.
Grief does not heal with time – it only conceals.
Memories are important and must be savored.
The loss must be talked about and expressed in order to heal.
Its important to learn the stages of grief & allow time to go through each step.
Honor your grief as the important passage that it is.
Remember that your grief is your grief.
THE FACT MUST BE FACED THAT GRIEF MAY NEVER BE FULLY RESOLVED, THAT THE HOLE IN THE SOUL IS NEVER COMPLETELY FILLED UP AGAIN. THIS PAIN OF LONELINESS IS A VALUABLE WITNESS TO OUR ABILITY TO LOVE.
Tags: All grief matters, Death and young adults, Grief connected to racism, Grief of homophobia, Grief of sexism, Killed by a drunk driver, St. Patrick's Day, Support Group When Losing Children, What is complicated grief?, What is normal grief, What is unresolved grief?
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